Dear IKEA...

Dear IKEA,

I’ve decided to take a break from coming to your store – perhaps for a year, perhaps forever.

Shopping at your IKEA store in New Haven is very bad for my health. It dramatically increases my stress levels; it makes me angry to the point that I want to hit someone in the parking lot with my car to relieve my frustration of shopping in your store (and I almost did this successfully the last time I was there).

The lack of bags, and the way your staff rudely tells its customers they no longer carry them, is the biggest bogus idea I’ve ever heard of. When I asked why a few months back, an “IKEA co-worker” simply shrugged her shoulders as if to say “that’s not my problem.” She then proceeded to tell me lies about changes in state statutes that would require all stores in Connecticut to stop carrying bags – she was not too pleased when I corrected her, and I still had nothing to put my items in.

As I stood there at the end of the check-out line with dozens of tiny little items piled up on top of each other and nowhere to put them, the co-worker informed me that I could go back inside and grab some giant blue bags that were for sale.

I ended up shoving my stuff back into the cart and wheeling it out to my car, where I quickly threw everything into the trunk higgledy-piggledy – not caring whether anything broke.

At my last visit, the “co-worker” cheerily informed me of the boxes available at the exit – all the way across the bottom floor. So, I am supposed to leave the items I have already paid for, while the cashier piles the next person’s stuff on top of mine, to run across the store and get some boxes? I’m pretty sure most of my stuff would be gone by the time I came back.

Don’t get me wrong – I have no problem paying for bags, or even bringing my own bags from home. But it’s kind of hard to do when you’ve never even told anyone they won’t be available.

If you aren’t going to have bags, and you are doing this for what to you seems like honorable reasons, then put a huge sign up BEFORE people get to the registers saying “We do not offer bags – go grab a box now!” Or offer boxes by the checkouts, instead of leaving your customers stranded with a pile of crap they now wish they had never bought in the first place while the cashier – again – shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head to inform you that this really isn’t his problem. He really just wants you to leave the store, no matter how much crap you have to struggle with.

And don’t even get me started on the quality of the products you sell. As if this isn’t indicative in itself by the amount of recalls your store has due to strangulation hazards and other dangers, let me tell you about some recent problems we’ve experienced.
The Malm bed my husband and I bought last year was missing every single piece required to actually put the bed together. When we called the help center to see how we could get the darn screws or plugs, we were told that we could just drive back down to the store to pick up these parts – 30 miles away. After much hassle, the person at the other end agreed to ship us the items, which came about a week later. In the meantime, we were sleeping on the floor.

The blinds we bought for all our windows include a part you are supposed to attach to cover up the hinges. Since the Velcro included isn’t strong enough, this part has fallen off on every single blind we have bought. Despite using double-sticking tape – and finally, Superglue – the little wooden slip will fall of, mostly in the middle of the night, scaring the crap out of us and the cats.

For Christmas in 2005, I had made a Swedish dish using anchovies bought in the IKEA food market. It gave me food poisoning, and I was throwing up for three days, unable to go to work.

The caviar I bought on my next trip had already expired, and it was oozing some strange-colored material that certainly did not belong in the tube.

And now, your store employees tell me, you don’t even accept batteries for recycling. So what good are you?

You don’t have shopping bags, your staff is rude and uneducated, you sell furniture that’s crap with missing parts, and you try to poison me with your food products.

Perhaps I should have used the blinds to try to strangle myself instead of shopping in your store – it certainly would have been a lot more pleasant.

My reward

The biggest problem with shopping for other people is that I always find things for myself. I usually don't let myself get them - I try to nicely remind myself that this trip is about other people, and I can get whatever I want another time.

This bag, however, was just too good to be true. I had looked at something similar a few years ago when I got my first real job as a journalist. Saturday, it was the first thing that caught my eye as I walked into JC Penney's at the mall.

There it was, on the top rack, just in front of me in its black shinyness.

Looking around to see if anyone else had seen it too, I slowly walked towards it. It was as if it was calling my name.

As I got close enough to see the price, I almost choked out of surprise: $14.97. Thinking there must be some sort of mistake, I peeled the clearance sticker off slightly to see the original price: $140.

After getting confirmation from the cashier that the beautiful bag was, indeed, only $15, I just had to have it. And that was the best part of my Christmas shopping yesterday.

Seeing double

I hate shopping with lots of other people around. The slow-walkers you can't get around, the people who stop in the middle of the aisles without notice, the kids who scream because they cannot take the toys home and the lack of parking - I just hate all of it.

So in an attempt to avoid some craziness, I ventured out on Saturday to do most of my Christmas shopping (the big sales start on Friday - the day after Thanksgiving - known as Black Friday here).

The Christmas cards I ordered last week also came in right before the weekend, so my plan was to get most of the holiday-related madness out of the way so I can spend part of December - Viktoria's Birthday Season - cooking good food and making holiday candy. And maybe even get some relaxing done, while others are out running around like crazy.

I didn't get nearly everything done that I had planned, of course - I never do in terms of shopping - but I think I made out pretty good. Especially in terms of getting things for free because someone screwed up.

For Albie's grandma and for a friend of mine, I had ordered some re-prints of photos at Walmart. I stopped by yesterday afternoon to place the order via a machine in the store, thinking I could go back today to pick up the prints. Of course, the machine was broken and the pictures were never ordered.

Four trips to the store later, I get a call saying "they are all set, you can come pick them up." Credit card in hand, I rush to the check-out counter.
"No charge," the lady says. "You had to wait way too long for these."

I ran out of the store happily - and of course I forgot to pick up the extra wrapping paper I so desperately needed. When I got home, and Albie reminded me I also forgot to pick up the W40 he had asked me to get, I ripped open the photo envelope to show him what I planned to give his grandma.
"Wait a minute!" I said. "There's two of everything!"
And it didn't cost a thing.

A similar thing happened with the Christmas cards. As I was in the midst of the last batch of cards early this morning, I realized the amount of envelopes I had put aside and the inch-high stack of cards left on my desk didn't exactly match up. For some reason, the card company had sent me 150 photo cards instead of the 75 I ordered.

The only problem now is to figure out what to do with all the extra stuff. I really don't want to send out the same cards again next year! Anyone want two?

After-holiday shopping

Shopping AFTER Christmas is the best thing ever! I just love walking around looking at all the 50 percent off signs, thinking "I'm so glad I didn't buy that for $10 last week!"

I got all my giftwrapping paper, labels, ribbons and seven late Christmas presents bought today for less than $35! Can't beat that.

Of course, it's not like in Sweden, where Dec. 26 is equal to America's Black Friday - the day after Thanksgiving. You can get clothes, electronics... anything for a really good deal.

Tomorrow (or later today for some of you), Albie and I will go to Sports Authority so he can get himself socks and my Christmas present - a pair of new winter boots.

Shopping is exhausting

We went Christmas shopping today, Albie and I, at a big mall 20 minutes from our house. I got a new cell phone - for free - and I can now take pictures any time I want.

This dress I wanted to wear to my birthday party on Saturday, but when I realized it was $120, I changed my mind! At least I got a picture of it to take home - for free.

We walked for almost five hours, tried on clothes, picked up presents and used up gift cards from previous Christmases. And I'm still not sure I like my new phone... Although it's fancy and takes pictures and records video, it is clunkier than my old one and I have a difficult time figuring out where everything is. My old phone also had a built-in flashlight. It will take me a long time to get used to being without one during dark, cold nights in scary parking lots...

The good news is that I have 60 days to change my mind, no questions asked. I could just walk right back into that Verizon store and say "nope, I want THAT ONE insted." There was a really cute Blackberry, but I really have no need for getting e-mails on my phone every second of the day. A cute, tiny blue phone also yelled out to me, but since it was only $39 and I was eligible for a $100 phone, I wanted to take advantage of that offer... Ah!!! Difficult decisions!

And I'm rambling on and on here. See, this is what a whole day of shopping does to you. My brain isn't working, my eyelids want to fall down and I want to lay may head on a nice, soft pillow and never get up again...

Clothes shopping

Clothes shopping doesn't come easy for me. It's something I really, really hate to do. Nothing ever fits, and if it does, I can't afford it.

Except for a couple of tank tops I ordered online and some underwear I picked up a Wal-Mart while browsing for picture frames, I haven't bought anything new to wear since I graduated from Quinnipiac and my friends from Sweden came to visit. In fact, Albie pointed out the other day that the majority of my wardrobe now consists of office giveaways and souvenirs (T-shirs can be acquired in many ways...)

Hopeful, I sprang out of bed filled with joy this morning and announced I would go shopping before Albie's planned family Costco trip. "If I leave now, that'll give me at least an hour at the mall," I said, thinking this would be plenty of time to find something new, cheap and black to wear to a wedding this weekend.

I didn't realize I never learned how to navigate large clothing stores. After trying five outfits at the Swedish H&M that were all several sizes too small, I headed over to Macy's thinking a big store must have more to choose from.

Wrong. I got lost. I found myself wandering aimlessly between tiny leather jackets and skirts that looked like head bands. A large make-up counter separated me from the other end of the store, and I glanced through the glass displays to see beyond - into the land of, perhaps, some larger sizes. I noticed a sign saying "women" near a fitting room and crossed over. When I got closer, I realized its said "petites" underneath.

"What the heck?" I said, then spun around in a circle to see if there were any un-petite sizes within sight. A black skirt with tiny white lace flowers seemed promising. It was on sale, too! When I picked it up, it said "extra large," despite the "14" printed on the hanger. I pulled out the price sticker... "petite extra large," it said. What? Doesn't "petite" mean "small"?

I ran back and forth between different sections of the store, finally realizing that everything is organized by designer - not by item, pattern, size, price or any other category that would make more sense to the shopper. I therefore spotted at least 10 racks with sale signs on them, only to realize as I got closer that all items on the rack were too small or too expensive.

Two white-collared shirts finally called my name at $13 each, and I spent the next five minutes trying to find a cash register. There were none.

My hour was up and I had to meet Albie for more urgent purchases. After 50 hot dogs, frozen fruits, Eggo waffles, snack packs and 100 granola bars had been purchased and unloaded at home, I ventured out again. This time, I went straight to the two stores I am familiar with: Old Navy and Kohl's. In two hours, I found everything I needed.

Except, of course, what I was really looking for. I still have nothing to wear to the wedding Saturday.