I felt like a true American today, guiding a large, blue cart down the narrow isles at Walmart with a Dunkin’ Donuts coffee in my hand. Like at least 100 other people, I was out at 11 a.m. to look for the best after-holiday sales.
Mostly, I was looking to stock up on wrapping paper, labels and ribbons for next Christmas, but I ended up with some good deals on small gift items as well.
The iced mocha latte I was holding was actually supposed to have been my Christmas morning wake-up drink.
I had finally convinced Albie to stop at Dunkin’ Donuts on our way to his parents’ house on Christmas Day. We pulled up the drive-through, and a chipper voice said, “Welcome to Dunkin’ Donuts, how may I help you?”
Albie placed my order since he was driving; there was complete silence. We wondered if maybe he had offended the attendant by starting out with “All I want is…” Usually, they come back and try to sell you something else.
A minute or so went by, then Albie finally said, “well, I’m gonna drive up now” into the microphone. Still nothing.
We drove up, and realized it was pitch black inside. Closed. Stupid automated voice machine! And not even a sign anywhere saying they were going to be closed. I thought it was only in Europe things shut down completely for Christmas.
McDonald’s was open on Christmas Eve here, when I stopped to get a McDouble and some fries on my way home from work. Even Albie found this weird, but I hadn’t had any lunch and I knew it was going to be hours before Christmas dinner was served, and McDonald’s was the only place open on my way home.
Now, I found out I cannot have my coffee when I want to! What is the world coming to? And don’t tell me I have to brew it myself in the morning – I will do no such thing. I want to pull up to a little window in my little car and pay someone to squirt the appropriate amount of whipped cream into a plastic cup and then sprinkle chocolate syrup on it – it is the only way I can start my day like a true American.